FFB: Sexuality and harassment

Jeans: J Crew
Tee: Target
Scarf: Target
Belt: thrifted
Jacket: Land's End Canvas (gift from my mom)
Shoes: Steve Madden (ditto)
Bag: thrifted
Earrings: Turkey

So, first off, a million thanks for all the amazing comments on the last post. I've been humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude with the responses I've gotten from people I know in real life and people I've only ever met online. To be honest, I thought this would finally be the post when I got negative comments, but they never came. Everyone has been amazing, and for that, I thank you. I truly have amazing readers and friends.


Second, it's time for another FFB post. I totally forgot to post last month, though I've still the idea for a post kicking around in my head, so I didn't want to forget this time around. This month's topic is sexuality, you know, just to keep things light around here because that's how I roll.


I've been thinking a lot about modesty and harassment these days, partly because I read this article, partly because I work with teenagers, and partly because of the culture in which I live. To be really honest, I can't use the word "modest" to describe my own style. Not that I don't think I dress modestly, because I do and people tell me this a lot. That's fine. What's not fine is the association I have when it comes to that word. When I was about sixteen or so, this guy at our church basically told me that the way I dressed was "causing boys to stumble" which, as a feisty and articulate teenager, pretty much pissed me off, and I let him know that. I mean, my parents were still buying my clothes (and vetoing a lot of my sartorial choices) and they didn't have a problem with it. Besides, were the guys then not at all responsible for the way they reacted? Oh, and by the way, what was I supposed to do when I was wearing men's jeans and girl's tee shirts and STILL getting inappropriate comments from the boys at school? Because as far as I could tell, causing someone to stumble was not an exclusively female trait.


And I know, I should probably not be holding on to instances like this one (because, yes, there were instances. Plural.) and letting them color the way I view the word "modesty", because it's a perfectly innocuous word. It's fine. It's even good in some ways. It's just that in my brain, it's so inextricably linked to these types of experiences and power differentials that I just can't. And to say that it's this kind of thing that will suddenly throw up walls of protection around every woman in the world is just wrong. Because that doesn't work, and I know this. I live in a culture where men are expected to show their manliness by making comments about the women in their presence, especially the women they don't know. I can't walk to work without getting a look (you know the kind), a comment, a whistle, or a honk. I just give my best side eye and carry on. But you know what? It's infuriating and dehumanizing sometimes, and I hate it. And I'm covered up!


I'm almost thirty. I've found ways to fight it, both publicly and privately, but when I think of my students? It just breaks my heart because we keep telling them that if they'd just cover up a little bit more, they'd avoid it. But it doesn't work like that. I cover up because I'm more comfortable that way, because I get cold easily, because it's more practical for my job, but not because it's going to magically keep people from making all kinds of unsolicited comments and / or assumptions about me and my body. I've lived through too much to think it works that way.

FFB: Dating and Relationships

Y'all, I'm going to start by telling you this is going to be a long post. Both B and I wrote for it, which is why it's going to be long. On the plus side, there are pictures (that you can click on to enlarge)!
Now that that's out of the way, for this month's Feminist Fashion Bloggers post, we're tackling dating and relationships. I was trying and trying to think of something to blog about regarding this topic. I briefly thought of having B pick out my outfit, except remember how I hired him to be my stylist and he did an amazing job? He knows what I like to wear. That got me thinking about the things I like that he doesn't (skinny jeans, for example) and that led to this post: a his and hers top five looks.
So here's B's take on the whole idea:

So, Frances asked me to pick five of my favorite outfits from her blog and write a little about why I like them. This is difficult because I like a lot of them and I don't know much about fashion, so my reasons generally consist of "she looks hot in it." But I will give it a try and see how it goes.

And now, the outfits in no particular order:

His & Hers (originally seen here)

His Take: I like this one because it's a good mix of things that make it interesting. The booties and the purple corduroy skirt (yes it's corduroy) are businesslike with a little sexy. After that it gets crazy with the big belt buckle and the leopard print shirt. I like the combination.
Her Take: I like this look because of the mixed neutrals, my favorite booties, a pop of animal print, a crazy belt, and my amazing hair. It was comfortable, functional, and pretty. Win, win, win. (And yeah, we totally picked the same look...)

                
His (originally seen here)             Hers (originally seen here)
His take: I like this one because I love the yellow dress/skirt, I like it when my wife wears bright colors. The colors are simple and the tank top shows off her, um, endowment. And the bracelet is just fun.
Her take: I love the fifties bombshell vibe this look has going on. The color combination isn't too crazy, but it is a little unexpected, especially with the navy shoes. It is a dreamy look that I miss now that we're living in the mountains.

                                   
His (originally seen here)                                Hers: (originally seen here)
His take: This outfit is definitely my favorite! I'm a big fan of the booties and I really like the leopard print skirt, it fits well and shows off her legs. Also one of my favorite blouses, it's a little classy and also very sexy. Once again, I love bright colors on my wife and the blue sweater is a great color for her while not covering up the rest of the outfit too much. And the earrings we bought in Turkey - good memories.
Her take: How could I go wrong with a jersey wrap dress, black and brown, and my favorite booties? I felt so comfortable, beautiful, and powerful in this look. Also, can I just take a minute to say that I also love the look that B picked? That's a great outfit and definitely high on my list of favorite posts.

                        
His (originally seen here)                      Hers (originally seen here)
His take: What can I say, this is crazy and fun. No one around here wears anything like this and it shows how far my wife has come in her confidence in herself and what she wears.
Her take: This outfit was pretty revolutionary for me. It was quite fitted on top and on bottom, there were jeans involved, and my hair was huge. There was no hiding in this outfit and I felt so amazingly confident and - dare I say it? - sexy in it. Plus, it reminded me of something my mom had worn about thirty years ago so there was that whole family connection going on.

                           
His (originally seen here)                        Hers (originally seen here)
His take: This is in the running for my most favoritest as well. The grey heels are possibly my favorite shoes and I don't get to see them too often up here in the mountains. I also love this blouse, it's work-safe and smokin' hot at the same time. I like the elephant earrings because I know they're some of Frances's favorites. And I always like her hair up better than down (apologies to her mom...). The whole outfit is classic-looking but she also looks hot in it :)
Her take: Yeah, this might feel like cheating because it looks a whole lot like the third outfit on this post, but y'all, I like dresses, I like black and brown, and I like these booties. When something works, it just works. Also, my first fishtail braid looks pretty good and I really like that post.

My conclusion? B picked some really good looks - outfits that I felt beautiful and confident and even creative in.  Also, he apparently thinks I'm pretty good looking (which is fine; I think he's pretty smokin', too). Do I think there are some huge differences between our choices? I noticed that he picked a lot of recent looks, but there's not so much of a difference in style.  I think that's because B knows me and my style really well and he likes it (except for my penchant for skinny jeans).

How about y'all? Any favorite looks? Would your partner have chosen super different looks than you?

FFB: Class and all that's thrifty

Sweater: H&M
Dress: thrifted
Shoes: Crocs
Earrings: came with a pair of boots
Scarf: J Crew
Kitten: Pirata

Remember when this kitteh disappeared and I thought she was dead? That was sad. But she's back! I thought that warranted a photo op.
Anyway, it's time for another FFB post, this time about social class.


I'm not totally sure if my topic fits under that category, but it's one that's been on my mind since I first stumbled into a Tienda Americana here in Costa Rica. This little dress (which is probably actually a nightshirt, but let's keep that between us, shall we?) came from a tienda americana, which is the equivalent of a thrift store, except different.


See, the americanas here are THE place to get clothes. In my deep and thorough research of Costa Rican malls - and by that I mean the anecdotal evidence I've collected by visiting four malls in different cities at different times - they might as well call them "Centers where you can get stuff for $60 US or more". New clothes are prohibitively expensive here, and this is where the americana comes in.


They sell Goodwill and Salvation Army cast offs at reasonable prices. Sometimes, they're even downright cheap - I managed to snag a neon skirt for about 90 cents. The thing is that this is pretty much THE ONLY place where the average Costa Rican can afford to buy clothes. And there's nothing wrong with that, I mean, I like thrifting. A lot. Probably because I wasn't allowed to as a kid (class issues abound in that statement...). Also, I think thrift stores provide a necessary service.


That said, the fact that a single country can supply another country with clothes from its cast offs raises questions for me. I mean, seriously, the stuff that gets here has already trickled through the system: from the store (new), to the closet (worn), donated to a thrift store in the States, and then donated AGAIN to these stores in Costa Rica. Doesn't that say something about social and economic class at a global level? And in some ways, isn't that just perpetuating some neocolonialist attitudes? (Hi, my name is Frances, I majored in Latin American Studies and then went on to study International Development and I blog about what I wear....)


So here I am, in my tienda americana dress and my fast fashion sweater and my over-priced scarf and rubber shoes (I love you J Crew, but let's be real: your accessories are way over-priced). I'm part of the system, part of the consumption - on both ends, no less - and I don't quite know what to do about that. And I haven't even begun to deal with the can of worms that is the origin of most of these items - in many cases, other Central American countries... In some ways, it's coming full circle.


On a lighter note: I didn't know if I'd like knotting my shirt like it's 1992, but I think I'll do it again.

FFB: Women in Media

Tee: J Crew
Blazer: New York & Co.
Skirt: Gap
Belt: Ann Taylor
Scarf: Target
Flats: Naturalizer
Earrings: Target?

This entire look was based on a picture of this hair.

source

That is a true story. I pinned that image I don't even know how long ago and now that my hair is so terribly grown out that I can't wear it down, I've been trying to find a look other than my traditional high bun.


But, enough about my crazy hair. I've been slacking on my Feminist Fashion Bloggers posts for the past few months, but I've been thinking a lot about this month's topic: Women in the Media and Popular Culture.


I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and, of course, I'm thinking of this from the perspective of a Latina who grew up primarily in the States. So, there's my bias. I've been thinking a lot about the representation of women of color in the media quite often these days and thinking about how that plays into my own sense of identity and self expression. Too heavy for a style blog? Perhaps, but let's take it there today, shall we?


I've been thinking about this as I (finally) got caught up on Glee. I think Glee has one of the more diverse casts on television, but one of the issues I have with the show is its reliance on stereotypes for so many of the characters (Mercedes, for example). I think they try. I think there are some characters that are actually complex. As a Latina, I have to mention Santana. While that's one of those names that non-Latinos think are legitimately Latino and I am kind of weird about having believable names, I do like that they've developed her character a bit. The thing that bugs me, though? She's so spicy, that Santana, with all that attitude.


Because, you know, that's what we Latinas are: spicy. And all of us "ethnic" girls are angry, or at least attitude-y. (Either that or subservient women oppressed by machismo - but that's a different post. Also another post: the label "ethnic" for people who are not white.) I grew up seeing these images - not often, of course, because for the first twenty years of my life, I didn't see many Latinas on tv or in movies - and I've fought so hard against being the stereotype.


Because, really? When all you see is that woman with the attitude, who gets mad and spouts off in Spanish for everyone's amusement, it does get to you. Is that how you want to be represented all the time? I'm lucky that I had a family that held up other images, but what about kids that don't have that? You get a little angry that you're constantly portrayed as a one dimensional angry woman. Self fulfilling prophecy....


I often tell B that what I want to see is Latinos on tv just living. And I guess there are some shows like that (Ugly Betty), I just don't watch enough tv to really know. Ditto for the movies. Even more for books. When I write a book, I'm not explaining any of my Latinas. Does that make sense? They're just going to live and be. Maybe they'll be angry, maybe they'll be pushy, but they'll be a whole lot more besides. You know, like me and all the other Latinas I know.

FFB Update

Remember yesterday's post? Well, obviously I wasn't the only one posting about my feminist fashion icons, so here's a (partial?) list for your browsing fun.

Björk - Oranges and Apples

Christine Lagarde– Rags Against the Machine

Cindy Sherman - Mrs Bossa Does the Do

Claude Cahun - Cervixosaurus

Diane Von Furstenberg – For Those About to Shop

Elizabeth Smith Miller – Techie Style

Ellen Page – SK{ru}SH

Frida Kahlo - La Historiadora de Moda from Fashionable Academics

Frida Kahlo – Knitting Up the Ravelled Sleeve of Care

Gloria Steinem – Ef for Effort

Gloria Steinem - What If No-One’s Watching?

Gloria Trevi - Feministified

Grandmother – The House in the Clouds

Griselda Pollock - Magic Square Foundation

Hedy Lamarr - Adventures in Refashioning

Marjane Satrapi - Jean of all Trades

Joan of Arc – Interrobangs Anonymous

Julia de Burgos – Mad Dress Game

Margaret Cho – What Are Years?

Oroma Elewa - Fishmonkey

P.J.Harvey - Northwest is Best

Rachel Carson – Aly en France

Siouxsie Sioux - Yo Ladies

Sydney Fox - My Illustrative Life

Vivienne Westwood - Seamstress Stories